Potty training is one of those milestones you think you have figured out until your toddler suddenly refuses to go. That is exactly what happened with our daughter. One day, everything was moving along nicely, and the next, she started withholding poo. She cried, hid, and became anxious about the toilet. It was exhausting and heartbreaking to watch.
Looking back, there are definitely things we wish we had done differently. Here are five potty training mistakes we made and what we learned as parents navigating poo withholding.
We Started Potty Training Before She Felt Ready
One of the biggest mistakes we made was starting potty training too quickly. We saw the signs. She stayed dry for longer, talked about the toilet, and showed curiosity. We assumed that meant she was fully ready and removed nappies sooner than we should have.
What we learned is that readiness is not just about physical signs. Emotional comfort matters just as much. If your toddler resists, becomes anxious, or starts to avoid the potty, it is okay to slow things down. For some children, keeping nappies or training pants for poo while continuing with wees helps build confidence without pressure.
If you’re just starting potty training, check out our full guide to potty training toddlers.
2.
We Underestimated How Scared She Was
At first, we assumed she was being stubborn. In reality, she was scared. One painful poo was enough to make her anxious about going again. The more she held it in, the more uncomfortable it became, which only increased her fear.
What we learned is that withholding poo is usually about fear, not defiance. Talking openly about poo, using reassuring language, and normalising the experience helped reduce some of that anxiety. Books and gentle conversations made it feel less overwhelming for her.
If your toddler is anxious about going, this guide on handling withholding can help.
We Focused on the Potty Instead of the Routine
We kept asking her if she needed a poo. The answer was always no, and before we knew it, potty time felt tense. What started as encouragement quickly became a power struggle.
What helped was shifting our focus to a calm routine instead of results. Sitting on the potty at predictable times, like after meals or before bed, without any pressure to go made things feel safer. Even sitting calmly without doing anything was progress.
4.
We Did Not Adjust Her Diet Early Enough
We assumed her diet was fine, but once we looked closer, we realised she was not getting enough fibre or fluids. Hard stools made poo painful, which reinforced her fear and made withholding worse.
What we learned is that diet plays a huge role in supporting healthy bowel movements. Gradually adding fibre-rich foods and encouraging regular drinks helped soften stools over time. This did not fix everything overnight, but it made going less uncomfortable and helped rebuild confidence.
5. We Waited Too Long to Ask for Help
We kept hoping things would resolve on their own. After several days with no poo and a very upset toddler, we finally spoke to our GP and health visitor. They were calm, reassuring, and gave us practical advice, including using a gentle stool softener to ease the discomfort.
What we learned is that asking for help sooner can prevent a lot of stress. Support from professionals is not a failure. Sometimes it is exactly what is needed to break the cycle of fear and withholding.
Our Final Thoughts
Poo withholding during potty training is stressful and emotional, but it is also very common. The most important things we learned were to slow down, reduce pressure, and focus on comfort and reassurance.
Every child moves through this phase at their own pace. With patience, gentle routines, and the right support, your toddler can regain confidence and comfort in using the potty.
