If bedtime feels like a daily battle, you’re not alone. We’ve been there with the tears, the “one more story” requests, and the sudden hunger right after brushing teeth. Toddler bedtime tantrums can feel endless, but they’re temporary and manageable with the right approach.
After many long nights, we’ve learned a few strategies that turn bedtime from chaos to calm. Here are five ways to handle toddler tantrums at bedtime that have truly worked for us.
Start the Wind-Down Earlier Than You Think
Bedtime doesn’t start when pyjamas go on. For toddlers, the wind-down begins much earlier.
About 30 to 45 minutes before bed, try dimming the lights, turning off screens, and switching to quiet activities like reading or puzzles. This gentle transition helps your toddler’s brain and body understand that it’s time to slow down. When bedtime feels gradual instead of sudden, tantrums often decrease dramatically.
2.
Stick to the Routine, Even When You’re Tired
Toddlers thrive on predictability. A consistent bedtime routine helps them know what’s coming next and reduces anxiety. Our evenings follow the same pattern: bath, pyjamas, teeth, stories, cuddles, then lights out. On nights when we’ve skipped steps, the resistance comes quickly. Keeping things consistent builds comfort, and that comfort makes it easier for toddlers to settle. If your child responds well to visuals, a simple bedtime routine chart can make a big difference. It gives them a sense of independence and helps keep everyone on track.
Acknowledge Their Feelings Instead of Arguing
When a toddler is mid-tantrum, it’s easy to try reasoning. But logic doesn’t work when emotions are high. Instead, try empathy. Saying something like, “We know you don’t want to stop playing. It’s hard to go to bed,” helps your child feel understood. Once toddlers know their feelings are heard, they’re usually more open to cooperation.
4.
Offer Small Choices to Give Back Control
Many bedtime tantrums happen because toddlers want control. Offering small choices helps them feel empowered while you still guide the process.
You can ask:
“Do you want the red pajamas or the blue ones?”
“Should we read Zog or The Gruffalo?”
“Do you want two songs or three?”
These little decisions reduce power struggles and make toddlers feel more involved in their own bedtime routine.
Stay Calm, Even
When They’re Not
This one is the hardest, but it makes the biggest difference. Toddlers take their emotional cues from us. When we stay calm, they learn that bedtime is safe and not something to fear.
When we feel our patience running thin, we try to take a few deep breaths and remind ourselves this phase won’t last forever. Saying something like, “We know you’re upset, but we’re here,” can reassure your child and help everyone settle more quickly.
If you’re parenting with a partner, it can really help to tag-team bedtime when emotions start to run high. Sometimes one of us needs a quick breather while the other steps in to finish the routine. Of course, that’s not always possible for every family, but if it is, sharing the load can make a big difference for everyone’s patience and peace of mind.
Our Final Thoughts
Handling toddler tantrums at bedtime takes patience, practice, and a whole lot of grace. Some nights will still be messy, but every calm, consistent moment helps your child learn that bedtime is safe and predictable. We don’t have to get it perfect, just consistent.
If you’re ready for more bedtime support, take a look at our main post:
👉 5 Things That Make Bedtime Easier for Toddlers
