When I first became a parent, behaviour management wasn’t something I thought too much about. In school, I was used to having clear rules for the children to follow. But once I became a mum, I realised that we also needed to think about what boundaries we wanted to set in our home. After all, how can a child know what’s acceptable if they haven’t been told? Children thrive on clear boundaries, as it helps them feel safe and secure. Here are five simple tips for supporting behaviour management that have worked for our family.

1. Set Clear Boundaries

This doesn’t mean you need to create a long list of rules. Instead, choose a small set of guidelines—around 5 key points—that are important to your family. These can include things like:

• Kind hands and feet
• Kind words
• Tidy up your toys
• Respect each other
• Sit down when eating

Make sure to frame your boundaries positively. For example, instead of saying “Do not hit,” try saying “Use kind hands.” The goal is to focus on what you want them to do, rather than what you don’t want them to do.

2. Make Eye Contact

Effective communication is crucial for behaviour management. By making eye contact and getting down to your child’s level, you ensure they understand you’re talking to them. This shows you’re listening, too, which is key to understanding the situation. You may not have the full picture of what’s happened, so listening carefully is vital. It helps you respond in a way that’s thoughtful and appropriate.

3. Use Age-Appropriate Language

It’s important to speak at your child’s level, but this doesn’t mean using baby language. Think about whether your child has understood you after you speak. If you’ve gone on for too long (I’m guilty of this!), ask yourself: Has the point come across? If not, try to be more clear and concise. Check that your child understands what you’re saying. If needed, rephrase your words and clarify any language they might not have grasped yet. This helps both with behaviour management and language development.

4. Encourage Turn-Taking

It’s okay to say no, but do it politely. Saying “You can have a turn when I’m finished” is a great way to teach children about patience and respect for others. It also helps them understand that it’s okay to set boundaries—something I find challenging myself. I’ve realised that, as adults, we sometimes say “yes” to things we don’t want to because we lack the confidence to say “no.” I want my children to know that it’s perfectly acceptable to stand up for themselves respectfully and assert their needs.

5. Purposeful Praise

How often do we say “Well done!” or “Good job” without really thinking about it? I know I’m guilty of this. It’s a quick way to acknowledge something, but it can lose meaning. Instead, try offering more specific praise that shows you’re genuinely paying attention. For example:

• “I really like the colours you used in your picture.”
• “I love how you spoke so kindly to your friend.”

This type of praise not only boosts their confidence but also shows that you’re interested in their effort, not just the end result.

Our Final Thoughts

As parents, it’s challenging to manage our emotions and reactions, especially when we’re dealing with things like sleepless nights or busy days. It can leave us feeling tired and less patient. However, by focusing on positive behaviour management strategies, rather than just the negatives, you’ll find it easier to create a more harmonious environment for your family. Remember, clear boundaries, active listening, and specific praise are all part of raising confident, respectful children who understand the value of kindness and respect.