Anxiety can creep into family life quietly. Sometimes it looks like tears at bedtime, sometimes it shows up as tummy aches before school, and sometimes it’s just a feeling that something is “too much” for your child. According to the NHS, physical symptoms like stomachaches and headaches are common signs of anxiety in children.
As parents of two daughters, we’ve had our fair share of moments where we’ve wondered what to say or how to help. Over time we’ve found a few things that make a real difference. These aren’t expert rules, they’re simply things that have helped us and might help your family too.
Acknowledge how they feel instead of brushing it off
When one of our girls worries about something, the instinct is to say “You’re okay” or “There’s nothing to worry about”. We’ve learned that this usually makes her shut down even more.
What actually helps is saying things like:
😟 “That sounds really tough.”
😟 “I get why you feel worried.”
😟 “You’re not on your own with this.”
When children feel understood, the panic eases a little. They feel safer, and from that place, they open up.
Help them find the right words for what is going on
Younger children often feel things before they can explain them. Naming the feeling takes some of the power away from it.
We try simple questions like:
“Does this feel like worry or fear?”
“Is it more in your tummy or your chest?”
“Does it feel big or small?”
Young Minds has a helpful guide on how children express worry at different ages. Giving your child the words to express themselves helps them feel heard and understood.
3.
Teach them a couple of calming habits they can actually use
Telling a child to “calm down” doesn’t work for us, or anyone we know. What does work is giving them small practical tools they can use anywhere.
A few things that have helped our girls:
😟 The 5–4–3–2–1 game, where you name things you can see, hear and feel.
😟 Slow breathing through the nose and out through the mouth.
😟 Having something small to hold, like a smooth stone or a fidget.
The NSPCC also shares simple grounding ideas that work well for younger children. The trick is practising these when they’re calm so it feels familiar when they’re not.
4. Take small steps rather than removing the challenge completely
We’ve definitely been guilty of jumping in too quickly to protect our daughters from anything that feels scary. Sometimes that’s the right call. But we’ve also seen how avoiding everything can make the fear grow.
What works better is breaking things down into tiny steps and celebrating the little wins. Maybe they don’t walk straight into the party, but they stand at the door for two minutes. Maybe they don’t talk to the new teacher yet, but they wave. Small steps help them build confidence without pushing them too far.
5. Keep routines predictable when things feel wobbly
When our girls feel anxious, even small changes can make the day feel harder. That’s where routine helps. It doesn’t have to be strict, just predictable enough that they know what’s coming next.
Bedtime, mornings, getting out the door, after school. The more familiar these points are, the more grounded they feel. Even a simple “Here’s what we’re doing today” chat at breakfast can calm things down. The NHS recommends predictable, calm routines as part of supporting children with anxiety.
Our Final Thoughts
If the anxiety sticks around for a while, starts getting in the way of school or friends, or turns into physical symptoms, it might be worth chatting with your GP or school. You can also contact Young Minds’ free parent helpline if you’re unsure what the next step is. Getting support early can make a huge difference.
Anxiety doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your child. It means they’re human. It means they feel things deeply. With patience, understanding, and a few practical tools, they can learn to manage these feelings and grow stronger through them.
