When I first became a parent, behaviour management was not something I gave much thought to. In school, I was used to clear rules and routines for children. But once I became a mum, I quickly realised that behaviour management at home looks very different. We had to decide what boundaries mattered to us as a family.
After all, how can children understand what is acceptable behaviour if it has never been clearly explained? Children thrive when they know what is expected of them. Clear boundaries help them feel safe, secure, and supported. Over the years, these five behaviour management tips have really worked for our family, and I hope they help yours too.
Set Clear Boundaries
One of the most common questions parents ask is how many rules children actually need. The good news is that it does not have to be complicated. A small number of clear boundaries is far more effective than a long list of rules.
Aim for around five key expectations that reflect your family values. These might include:
➡️ Kind hands and feet
➡️ Kind words
➡️ Tidy up toys after playing
➡️ Respect each other
➡️ Sit down when eating
Framing boundaries positively is key to supporting good behaviour. Instead of focusing on what children should not do, focus on what you want to see. For example, saying “Use kind hands” is much clearer and more encouraging than saying “Do not hit.” Positive language helps children understand expectations without feeling criticised.
2.
Make Eye Contact and Get Down to Their Level
Strong communication plays a huge role in behaviour management. Making eye contact and getting down to your child’s level shows them that you are fully present and listening. This small action can make a big difference.
It also helps you understand the situation better. Children often act out because they are overwhelmed, tired, or struggling to explain their feelings. Taking the time to listen before responding allows you to react calmly and appropriately, which is something many parents find challenging in the heat of the moment.
Use Age Appropriate Language
Parents often wonder how to explain behaviour expectations in a way children will understand. The answer lies in keeping language simple, clear, and age appropriate.
This does not mean using baby talk. It means thinking carefully about whether your child has actually understood what you said. I know I can sometimes talk too much, especially when I am tired. If your explanation feels long, ask yourself if the key message is clear.
Short sentences and clear instructions work best. After speaking, check for understanding and rephrase if needed. This not only supports behaviour management but also helps with your child’s language development.
4.
Encourage Turn Taking and Respectful Boundaries
Learning to wait and take turns is a big part of managing behaviour, especially for younger children. It is perfectly okay to say no, as long as it is done kindly and respectfully.
Saying something like, “You can have a turn when I’m finished,” teaches patience and respect. It also shows children that setting boundaries is healthy. This is something I have had to work on myself. As adults, we often say yes when we really want to say no.
By modelling respectful boundary setting, we teach children that it is okay to speak up for themselves and express their needs calmly and confidently.
5. Use Purposeful and Specific Praise
Many parents ask how praise fits into behaviour management. While praise is important, it works best when it is specific and meaningful.
It is easy to say “Well done” or “Good job” without thinking, but these phrases can lose their impact over time. Purposeful praise shows children that you have noticed their effort and behaviour.
For example:
“I really like the colours you chose for your picture.”
“I noticed how kindly you spoke to your friend just now.”
This type of praise builds confidence and reinforces positive behaviour because children know exactly what they are being praised for.
Our Final Thoughts
Parenting is hard work, especially when we are tired, overwhelmed, or running on very little sleep. Managing our own emotions while supporting our children’s behaviour can feel exhausting.
Focusing on positive behaviour management strategies rather than constantly reacting to negative behaviour can make a huge difference. Clear boundaries, active listening, age appropriate communication, and specific praise all help create a calmer and more respectful home environment.
Remember, behaviour management is not about perfection. It is about consistency, connection, and helping our children grow into confident, kind, and respectful individuals.
