Returning to work after parental leave is one of the biggest transitions a parent will face. For many, the hardest part is not the work itself, but the emotions involved and doing it all on very little sleep.
I remember the morning I went back to work after having my twins. I had been up three times in the night, had managed perhaps four broken hours of sleep and I was returning to work as a Community Midwife. I was expected to make important clinical decisions, manage complex cases and care for women and their families at one of the most vulnerable times of their lives.
I was running on empty and now I know I was far from alone.
Returning to work after maternity leave or parental leave is one of the most significant transitions any parent will navigate. There is the emotional weight of leaving your little one, the practicalities of childcare, the change of routine and the professional adjustment of stepping back into a role that has moved on without you. Underneath all of it, for so many parents, is the relentless reality of sleep deprivation.
The reality of returning to work on no sleep
Sleep deprivation is not simply feeling tired. When we consistently fail to get enough restorative sleep, the impact on our brain and body is profound.
Research has shown that even moderate sleep deprivation can impair cognitive function to a level comparable with being over the legal drink-drive limit. Our ability to concentrate, make decisions, regulate emotions and respond to stress is significantly reduced. Yet many sleep-deprived parents are expected to return to work and perform as though none of this is happening.
For parents in high-responsibility roles, the stakes can feel even higher. I have supported numerous mothers returning to demanding jobs with pressure, responsibility and significant decision-making, whilst surviving on four or five fragmented hours of sleep a night.
The resilience of parents is extraordinary, but resilience should not mean suffering in silence.
Beyond the professional impact, sleep deprivation also takes a serious toll on mental health. Poor sleep impairs emotional regulation, heightens anxiety and lowers our threshold for stress. Add in the identity shift of new parenthood, the pressure of returning to work, possible breastfeeding challenges, relationship strain and the guilt many mothers carry, and it becomes clear why this transition deserves far more attention and support.
Why I nearly didn’t ask for help
When I was in the depths of sleep deprivation with my twins, I told myself I should be able to manage. I was a Midwife at the time, so sleep and infant wellbeing were my professional world. Surely I should know what to do?
That is the trap so many parents fall into, regardless of their background. We convince ourselves that struggling means failing, or that everyone else is coping better and we simply need to push through.
It was only when a friend suggested I speak to an Infant Sleep Consultant that things began to change.
Within a week, my girls were sleeping through the night and I cannot overstate what that meant. I was a different person. I was more present at work, more patient at home, more emotionally stable and more like myself again.
Sleep had not just given me rest — it had given me back my sense of who I was.
That experience changed the direction of my career and is the reason I trained as an Infant Sleep Consultant. It is also why I feel so passionately that parents returning to work deserve proper, practical support — not just sympathy.
Practical steps for parents returning to work exhausted
If you are approaching your return to work and sleep is still a struggle, there are some things worth doing before that first day back arrives.
Start by looking honestly at your little one’s routine. Are there consistent nap times and a predictable wind-down before bed? Small environmental changes, such as keeping the room dark and reducing stimulation in the hour before sleep, can make a meaningful difference.
Think about who else can share the night wakings, whether that is a partner, family member or trusted support person, so that you are not carrying it all alone.
It is also worth having an honest conversation with your employer if you are struggling. More organisations are beginning to recognise the impact of parental sleep deprivation on wellbeing, productivity and employee mental health, and some now offer support through workplace wellbeing programmes.
If yours does not, it may still be worth raising the conversation. You are unlikely to be the only exhausted parent in your team.
Perhaps the most important thing I can say to any parent reading this is something I wish someone had said to me sooner: asking for support is not a sign that you are failing. It is a sign that you are taking your wellbeing and your family’s wellbeing seriously.
We accept without question that we might see a physiotherapist for a knee injury or a nutritionist to improve our diet. Seeking support for sleep — something that affects every aspect of our health, relationships and ability to function — should be no different.
Parenting is hard enough. Doing it exhausted, while balancing a demanding job and trying to hold everything together, is one of the greatest challenges a parent can face.
You do not have to figure it out alone and you do not have to simply wait for it to pass.
Better sleep is possible and you deserve it.
About the Author: Letitia Underwood
I am a qualified Midwife, Health Visitor, NHS Safeguarding Practitioner and accredited Infant Sleep Consultant with more than 15 years of NHS experience. I am the founder of The Sleep Cure and specialise in supporting parents returning to work after maternity and parental leave.
Website: www.the-sleep-cure.com
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: @thesleepcure.co
